Now we know that a lot of folks in Austin aren't native Texans and we forgive you for that. To show you how friendly Texans can be, we're going to teach you how to blend right in by learning to talk Texan.
Now I know that some of y'all are going to read this and start chucklin' cuz ya just don't believe folks really talk this way. But read carefully. Even if the Texas twang is a bit subdued, there is a certain turn of a phrase that's common in Texas talk.
Difficulty: Average
Time Required: as long as it takes to learn to slow down, drop your g's, and use wild similes
Here's How:
- Drop the g.
Cut out unnecessary letters like g in -ing words if you wanna talk like a Texan. - Use Texas contractions and phrases.
There are certain word combinations that Texans like to turn into a single word and some common words we use in uncommon ways. Use these if you wanna talk like a Texan:- gotta (got to, must)
- gonna (got to, going to)
- over yonder (over there)
- nu-uh (no)
- fixin ta (getting ready to do something)
- y'all (you all)
- wanna (want to)
- Speak slower.
Next thang ya gotta do is slow down. Don't be in such a hurry. Chew on those words awhile. You don't hafta have a drawl like J.R. on Dallas but talkin' ninety to nothing'll mark you as a non-Texan no matter how many y'alls and fixin's you throw out there. - Tell a story.
Now ya havta paint a pichur. Texans like imagery, similes, and metaphors. - Cook up a critter tale.
Who doesn't like a story about fluffy bunnies and wild horses? When asked 'How hot is it?' ya say It's so hot the hens are layin' hard-boiled eggs. Tell folks your boss is meaner than a skillet full of rattlesnakes. - Make the weather more excitin' than it really is.
When someone asks, 'Get any rain lately?' ya say, It came a real gully-washer last night or, Nu-uh, it's so dry the trees are bribin' the dogs. - Put on a happy face.
Did ya win the Lottery? Well yur so lucky yur riding a gravy train with biscuit wheels and yur prolly feelin happy as a hog in slops. Next time ya go acourtin' tell yur gal she's cute as a possum and makes ya happy as a gopher in soft dirt. - Dispel stereotypes.
Someone call ya a dumb blonde? Heck, tell 'em they couldn't pour rain out of a boot with a hole in the toe and directions on the heel. - Show some emotion.
When yur teenager takes the truck out for a drive try to be calm as a june bug not nervous as a long-tailed cat in a roomful of rockers. When yur teenager brings the truck home with the gas tank sucking fumes don't get all worked up and throw a hissy fit. - Learn the sports lingo.
Remember, when a Texan tawks 'bout playin' ball he prolly means football. - Learn proper meal time etiquette.
When a Texan invites you over for supper it's the noon meal 'cept if'n it's the evenin' meal. Or it could be dinner at noon. Ya better ask for a time just to be sure. - Practice makes perfect.
Ya keep practicin' and quick as a hiccup yur gonna talk like a Texan and sound like a native. Next lesson is dressin' Texan, but that's a whole nuther thang, sure'nuff.
Tips:
- Made in Texas
Never ask a man if he's from Texas. If he is, he'll tell you on his own. If he ain't, no need to embarrass him. - That Texas Twang Thang
Does talkin' Texan make us sound uneducated? Some folks might think so. Discuss it.